FIGMO

F.I.G.M.O. = F-IT, GOT MY ORDERS!

MY ADULT SUPERVISION:

The only one who gives me orders now is the CINC-HOUSE (Commander in Chief – House, AKA Jackie).  For those of you who know me [Rick], you know my shorter and arguably tougher female counterpart, Jackie, revels in the task of keeping my ass in line!

On a daily basis, Jackie keeps track of my sh!+ for me, and makes sure I don’t get myself into too much trouble…  Posting stuff on here and continuing to act like the Sgt Major and square me away… Good luck with that… This page is made up of her stories, experiences, and her telling me what to do! (Haha, just kidding.)

She keeps a close ear on all my work-related calls and counts every curse word she hears me say as one dollar of MY CASH directly to the curse jar!  I guess it pays to have some supervision, huh?  Well it pays for others…  It’s for a good cause though.  Send us your charity ideas too – always looking for a good cause!

If you want to participate in busting me for cursing – whether private or public, send the # of curses to jackbsolid@gmail.com so we can add them to the CURSE COUNTER to donate to a good cause!!!!

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Received the following e-mail from a friend/associate named Roy:

Hello Jackie!

“I hope this finds you well! Rick told me I didn’t have the balls to send this email so here it is.…….  I did not count each swear word during yesterdays lunch presentation, but it easily topped out over 30. I figured since it was for a good cause I might as well turn him in.”

I think we’ll add $40 to the Curse Jar – just to be safe!  Haha!

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04/28/10

Received the following e-mail from a friend/associate:

“Good Morning to you both!  It was great meeting you both yesterday.

Notes of our meeting will be following later today, but I wanted to be sure to follow up with the first request of keeping the cuss score.  It was a 15 for yesterday.  I am not sure what to think of this at the moment, but it must be good if charity is the beneficiary.”

Never in all my days, did I think I’d be counting curse words for a good cause!

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Had a meeting here two days ago and let’s just say we’re adding in another $48 for cussing.  Holy Crap! (Does crap count? I may have just done it myself…)  Every other word Rick said during this meeting was, “F$%K”!  I sat there and just laughed my butt off because he was so passionate about what he was discussing, that he just kept going on and on!

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Had meeting today and Rick was cussing to the point I had to start saying prayers!  I am belling flopping into hell for his behavior – guilt by association!

We’ve decided today that the proceeds of the jar will going to benefit the Troy Mitchell Family.  He truly was a quiet man who possessed all the virtues that every American should have and if they did, this world would be a much better place.

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This is Sam, the latest addition to our crew!  He is as tall as me and we weigh the same.

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Stafford, VA, March 15, 2010/  10:45 pm,

The former assistant to Jackie Dolch of Rocke Solid, Daisy May Scriven (aliases names:  Crazy Daisy, Daisy Lou Who, and Daisy Boo) was arrested Tuesday for Prostitution and Loitering.   Daisy May Scriven who has formerly served as the president of the organization “BBD, also known as Beat up Big Dogs.com” will face two prostitution-related charges in court.

Daisy May Scriven, 2 yrs old (in dog days), the former head of the Office of Dog Based Initiatives for  Dogovernor Astro (made famous as the family dog on the hit show The Jetsons), was arrested late last night and faces one count of promoting prostitution and one count of soliciting sex from an officer, Stafford County Dog Catcher Amelia Earhart told the Rocke Solid Marine TV.com news team.

The news team also quoted Richard Rocke Scriven, Daisy’s owner and handler who described the situations as “very sad, shocking and upsetting.”

According to sources close to the arrest, detectives suspect Daisy was involved in a “hooker-review” site that led to the creation of a dog brothel.

Police also believe that Daisy is the dog  they have been tracking who posts under the name “Toby.” Authorities have been searching for her over the past two months after busting a prostitution ring on Craigslist.

Daisy used complex encoded postings on Craigslist that would look like useless or corrupted data, in which she would embed the information of the type of sex interaction she would be willing to perform and the place to meet her.

DOG NEWS obtained copies of the postings, but since they contain names that may be real and actual addresses in the Stafford, VA area, they will not be made public.

She was apprehended at the corners of Poplar Road and Mount Olive Road by a Stafford County Police Officer in a marked car.  She was sent to central booking and was released this morning on $35 bond.  Hearing date has not been set at this time.

Daisy’s reaction after her release from prison was captured in this picture:

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Working on a huge project that’s stressing everyone out a little.

Just heard Rick say “Mother Father” (my way of saying Mother F&%$#r) at least 12 times in under 10 minutes.

If we add in all the calls yesterday I am positive it would be at least another $75 or more to the dreaded CURSE COUNTER – so I’m adding them on!

If you’ve talked to Rick over the past couple days, you must’ve heard him drop a swear, or two, or ten.   Let me know and we’ll tack them onto the Curse Counter since the money is for a good cause!

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Our favorite steak house is in Norfolk, VA is called “Aberdeen Barn”.  Every time we are in Norfolk we make it a point to go the Barn to get a great steak dinner (and yes, dessert also!).

Now for the rest of the story…..

Rick and I are both on strict diets.  We started dieting around mid-January.   I am working towards participating in a fitness contest.  In order to compete in this contest I have to get to between 9 and 12% body fat while maintaining muscle.  This means dropping about 20 pounds or more.   In order to meet my goals,  my diet (which is very strict) consists of 4 egg whites with ½ cup of oatmeal for breakfast.  Dark green salads topped with either chicken, fish, turkey or shrimp,   ½ cup of brown rice and  steamed vegetables (can only be green vegetables) for lunch and another salad for dinner (no rice) and a protein shake.  My snack is a large red apple.   And I have to drink lots and lots of water.

Since I am on this program until mid May, Rick and I discussed the options for his dinner.  He agreed that it would be difficult for anyone to be on my diet and have to cook for someone else and not be able to eat it.  He also agreed he could afford to shed a few pounds also.  Therefore he has been on a low cal diet called “diet to go”.  They provide him three meals a day (all fresh food, nothing frozen) at approx 1200 calories and he makes up the difference with fruit salads and garden salads as well as other small snacks. The meals are small (as Rick says “just big enough to fill my cavities”) yet well made, tasty and always fresh.

Both programs are working quite well.  We have both lost over 10 pounds since we started the program.  We both exercise everyday and we are feeling great.

Last week Rick and I had to go to Norfolk, VA to meet with some customers.  As we were about to leave the Norfolk area Rick looks at me and says “Hey, since traffic is always bad in the tunnel why don’t we stop and have dinner? “

I answer – I only brought enough food for lunch but if you want to stop at a subway I can get a salad there.

He says “I was thinking more along the lines of the Aberdeen Barn”.

Seriously?   Are you Serious, I ask?

He says “Yes” why?   You can eat a salad there.

Of course I throw the eyes at him (you men know those eyes) the ones that say “SHUT UP NOW and DON’T MAKE ME KILL YOU eyes”  Yeah those!  Then the bitchin starts –   All these weeks, eating right and healthy and you want to screw it up with one dinner?  Now I am really mad because I can’t stop thinking about the steaks and the red velvet cake and the cream of crab soup and all the great food they have.  So Scriven’s punishment besides me bitchin all the way home was no stops!   I drove all the way home (4 hour ride) and I didn’t stop (no drink stops, no snack stops, no gas stops and no pee stops) until we got home.

I doubt he’ll make that mistake again.

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WHY RICK WANTS TO BEAT UP THE OCTO-MOM

On our recent trip to Hawai’i, my parents went with us (they are 72 years old and neither one of them can hear very well).

So Rick drops us off at the airport at 5 a.m. – it’s freezing cold, wind blowing, like 19 degrees!  Rick drops us off and takes the truck to long-term parking and he’s gonna catch the bus back.  So we’re standing inside the airport and we’re waiting and waiting… No Rick.  We’re standing there for about 40 minutes and starting to get worried that something went wrong or he had an accident.

He comes into the airport and he is pissed, you can see it – totally read his body language!   So after he checks in, we’re going through the security line and I ask him, “Sweetie, what’s wrong?! Why are you so angry?”

He says, “I’m freezing Jack, I’m just now getting the feeling back in my fingers!”

“The bus was coming…  I’m standing at Stop 26, freezing and waiting patiently, and the driver TURNS BEFORE HE GETS TO THE SHELTER!  I’d been standing there for ten minutes and he turns!  So I jump into my truck, try to get warm again until I see another bus coming, jump out and wait in the shelter.  And THAT bus turns before it gets to the shelter.  So I get into the truck again to warm up, wait AGAIN, and the THIRD TIME I see him, I start flashing my lights.  So FINALLY the bus comes to the shelter, I jump outta the truck, get to where I gotta go, and here I am.  I said something to ‘Akhmed’ (his real name, I asked) and he didn’t really understand me but says he didn’t see me.  Immediately following that, we pull up, and I’m totally ready to punch ‘Akhmed’ in the FACE!  I’m freezing!”

My mom, standing there, God bless her, with the most serious face of faces, asks me “Why did Rick want to beat up Octo-Mom?”

I was obviously laughing too hard to answer her, but Rick explained, not Octo-mom, AKHMED!

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So, in a repeated, unsuccessful attempt at getting Rick to quit swearing.  I have decided I’m gonna punish him big time!  Today we added 150 Points to the Curse Counter, in hopes that someone will benefit from Rick’s potty mouth, cause I have been trying for too long!

For any readers and associates, you gotta let me know when Rick gets going and cussing again!  We’re gonna keep adding to the curse jar and I will keep donating more of Rick’s money (haha!).  This way, we’re got something good coming from the foul language.

E-mail rockesolid@aol.com to report any known Rick cursing!  IT’S FOR A GOOD CAUSE!

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RICK’S CUSSING AGAIN!  I just sat here and listened to Rick talk to Mark (customer) and in 31 min and 12 seconds he was at a count of 17!  17!!!

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MY FAVORITE SCRIVEN STORY!  This was repeated recently…

A guy walks up to Rick that’s maybe 4 foot, three inches tall.   He starts giving Rick a really hard time.  Rick looks down at the guy and says, “Keith, I eat sandwiches bigger than you!”

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So, we just bought a new safe for the house for our weapons/guns… While we were out buying the  safe, it came to me that Rick was buying a safe JUST small enough that he couldn’t actually fit into it.   And I told him that if he got on my nerves, that I’d put him in the safe and then get rid of him!

And he said, “How are you gonna fit me in that safe?!”  After I picked up the “Zaw Saw”, I said, “Well I’ll cut you up and get you in the safe!”

Keep in mind, a few months ago we got a new Bobcat which drives me crazy!  (Utility loader, not an actual bobcat haha!)  I now know how to drive the Bobcat.  So today, after a friend of ours came to visit, we told him the story of how I said I could fit Rick in the safe if he got on my nerves and make him quietly disappear…   Then I told him,  ”But Rick – now, I not only can fit you in the safe, I can also take the safe (which weighs 500 lbs.), lift it with the Bobcat, dump you in the pond on the farm, and nobody would ever know the difference!!!”  Hah!

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RICK’S BEEN REPORTED!

Got an e-mail today Titled “Rick Owes”, so naturally this is gonna be fun for me!

“Jackie, Rick really owes the kitty after the meeting I sat in.
He swore/cussed/etc. at least 25 times.  Please make him pay up.”

Check the curse counter… She’s climbin!